Things I've learned

Its been a while since I've ventured onto this page...as most of you know, my three daughters keep me quite busy and I don't get much of a chance to sit down and write very often. But I decided to take a few minutes to jot down a few thoughts about some of the issues that not only affect my girls..but lots of their friends and neighbors. As many of you know, my oldest 2 daughters play travel/club sports. Sarah plays travel softball and Emily plays club soccer. Over the last couple of years, I have witnessed an explosion of teams out looking for players...and players looking for teams. We have been on big-name teams and smaller clubs, and while I am not an expert (not even close), I have seen both the positives and negatives of what the "travel" world has become. While many of you will just disregard this essay, hopefully some will take a second to think about some of the points I'm bringing up...if not that's ok also.

1) Do your homework!!! If its time for you to move on to the travel arena...take the time to research the club/program you are interested in. Who are the coaches, what are their backgrounds. What is the club providing you for your money, what are they offering your child? Go to multiple tryouts, don't accept the first offer. Bigger isn't always better. Maybe a big name club is the best fit for your child, maybe a smaller more personal approach is more what your child needs. But ask questions!! I cannot tell you how much it bothers me when I talk to someone who has just joined a travel team and I ask "Who's the coach?"...and they don't know. You are handing your child over to this person for the next several months...you should damn well know his or her name and what their experiences are.

2) Protect your child!! I don't mean from predators, that's a given. What I mean is listen to your child. If they get hurt, try to resist the pressure to "get back out there". Too many coaches, unfortunately, exert pressure to get back on the field after an injury. Understand that the coaches don't mean your daughter any harm (at least I have never met one), but they do need to have players out on the field. Know the difference between being hurt and being injured, children can play hurt...but they shouldn't be out there if they are injured. And if a coach doesn't understand that...then maybe that isn't the right coach.

3) Be realistic about your child's abilities!! We all want our kids to be the next Jennie Finch...or Alex Morgan. That simply isn't going to happen. I'd love for my girls to all get full 4 year rides to a big time college. The odds of that are extremely small. Maybe a Division II or NAIA school is a better fit for their goals and aspirations. Talk to them...what is their goal? Is it to play in college? Is it to go to a good school where they can get a great education and hopefully play sports also? And then tailor the experience to hopefully reach the goal. Talk to the coach and the "administrator" of the program you are involved in. Where do they see your child? What resources do they have to get your child noticed and hopefully recruited? You are paying a lot of money...you should expect something in return for your investment.

4) Enjoy the Ride!!! You never know when your child has played their last game. Lots of kids decide at some point that they are done with sports, or want to do something else. You don't want their last experience with a team to have been a miserable one. If your child isn't having any fun, or its a struggle to get them to go to practice/work out...then maybe its time to explore other options. Now, I'm absolutely not advocating switching teams just for the sake of switching teams. I'm a strong believer in loyalty and commitment. But its not that difficult to see when your child has lost their passion for something. I also strongly believe that you let the child be part of the decision making process. And as parents, you should have fun also. You should be with other parents who you enjoy spending time with. Whatever endeavor you and your child set out upon...the one thing it should be over anything else, is fun!!

5) Let them be kids!!! Kids need downtime...and I'll fully admit, this is incredibly difficult for me to do. Kids need a break from their primary sport, they need to use other muscle groups, learn other skills, meet new people. And downtime doesn't mean that they lie on the coach playing on their phone all day. I strongly believe in even if you're not playing you're primary sport, you're working out..jogging, biking, cardio etc. When your team takes time off...put the gear bag away for awhile and bring out the Frisbee, the jump rope, the volleyball (if volleyball isn't the sport you're getting away from).

I think that's enough for one day. Hopefully you read this and can take something from it. If you read it and think "This guy is a loon"...that's ok too. Like I said, I am no expert...I'm just a dad, trying to navigate the turbulent waters of having 3 amazing young ladies call him Dad. I hope this message finds you well. As always...peace to you and yours. Mike

Well, well, well. I was cleaning up my Favorites list and I ran into this link. I have all but forgotten that I was a blogger. Well I guess that's not quite correct. I have a blog, I just fail to actually use it. I started reading some of my old posts and I was struck by a harsh realization...my girls may be older, but our lives are the same. Still crazy busy, still way too many activities. But as those of you who know me would attest...I wouldn't have it any other way.

But for the 1 or 2 people who'll read this that don't know all that much about me, let me give you a brief update. My oldest daughter Sarah, is a vibrant 13 year old who is fortunately or unfortunately...depending on how you view it, exactly like me. And that leads to a lot of head-butting. But she is an amazing young lady. Great student, terrific athlete, great (most of the time) big sister...and just one of the nicest kids you'll ever want to meet. She has had her share of adventures in the past couple of years. Lots of traveling with her softball teams, including enduring a F5 tornado in a hotel bathroom. She's had her share of heartbreaks in her athletic endeavors, but each time she's fought through the heartache, and came out stronger than ever before. She could have easily given up, or given in to what others have said or done, but she is one of the most resilient kids I've ever met (And yes, I am proudly biased).

Emily is 11 and in her 1st year of middle school. She is also quite athletic as she is becoming quite proficient as a goalie. She still has a lot to learn, but she loves to learn and gets better every time out. This kid will be the death of me however. Stubborn to a fault, but also a great student and sister. She also has had her share of adventures with her soccer and softball teams. And if you haven't seen her lately, be prepared to look UP. She has grown 4 inches in the past few months and now sees eye to eye with Lisa. We just bought school clothes a month ago and now have to go back and get NEW clothes as she has outgrown the ones we just bought. Oh well, more clothes for Aly.

Speaking of Aly...she is developing into quite the athlete/dancer. I guess watching several hundred softball and soccer games will do that to you. She's the first child that's wanted to be a pitcher, she's definitely the most athletic kid at this age, and she just simply loves to dance. Anytime music is playing...she's dancing. She'd take dance classes every night if we'd let her. But we don't...softball and soccer get in the way of that.

As for me, I've morphed into a chauffeur/coach/tutor. Every night, I'm either driving someone to practice, picking someone else up..its quite the interesting life. Heck, I have to come to work to get some rest. On any given week, we have at least 7 to 8 practices. Then weekends...oh good lord!! If we have less than 3 games, its like a vacation. There have been weekends where we have had 8-10 games between the 3 girls. But they love what they do...so we keep doing it. I thank god every day for having good friends that help with the driving, the shuttling, the watching over my kids til we get there...it truly takes a village.

So that's an update...our fall will be very busy as we have lots of sporting activities to deal with, as well as some very challenging school activities (My God, did we have this much homework when we were this age??). So if you don't see me much, I expect that you'll understand.

I am really going to try and update this page just a little bit more, call it my on-line diary. I'm hopeful that someone cares enough to read this stuff, and hopefully the next rambling will have something interesting (if this one didn't)..and until then...take care of yourself.

Mike

Dang, I forgot about this blog...its been over a year since I posted anything and no one even mentioned it to me. Maybe no one bothered to read it. And here I thought I was the next Tom Clancy (guess not).

Well, since I have so much time to update this fascinating blog, I'll just add a few details to my life and fill in the rest soon. The 3 girls are now 11, 9 and 6. And their schedule rival those crazy Jamaican work-a-holics that was on In Living Color (90's reference). Sarah practices Wed-Fri for softball, Emily practices Mon-Wed for softball, Tues-Thurs for soccer, and Aly does Tues-Thurs for soccer and Friday for Dance. Emily and Aly go to CCD on Tues and Sarah goes on Thursday. And they all have games on Saturday and Sunday. I think my next day off from a practice or a game is Thanksgiving.

I am now entering the most dangerous time of my life, pre-teen and puberty. The mood swings, the irritability, the blank stares...and thats just me!! You should see what I'm getting from the girls. I'll be spending the next few years hiding in the garage with the puppy. All I need in there is cable, a small fridge and I'm set. I'll venture in the house to use the bathroom...during the 2 hours a day that it isnt occupied.

Well thats enough for today...I'll be updating this as life goes on. Maybe not as often as I like, but I'll try to regale the 1 or 2 of you that actually have a faint interest in the life of a man who is trying to navigate the 3 daughter waters (hey that rhymed!!)

I hope this missive finds you well my friend (since I'm guessing only 1 of you is reading this) and
pray for this DODO.

Til next time...
Mike

A traveling DODO

Good MLK day to everyone. I promised in my last message I would regale you with our travel adventures to Colorado. As you may remember, we all took a trip to Colorado the first week of January to see my relatives. Of course, after the attempted terror attack on a flight on Xmas day, we were a little nervous about how the Airport security would be. So, on the day of our flight to Denver, we decided to leave a bit early for the airport. Our flight was at 8pm so we packed up the car with the luggage (more on that in a bit) and headed to the airport around 3:30pm. And wouldn't you know it, no traffic, no lines at baggage, no lines at check-in and NO LINES AT SECURITY. In fact, I may have not ever got thru security faster...even traveling by myself. Of course, it took us a half an hour to re-dress ourselves after we had to take off 5 jackets, 5 belts, 5 pair of shoes, assorted watches, phones, sunglasses etc. But we got to our gate at before 5. While that may seem terrific...we now had to wait 3 hours before we could board the plane. I don't know how many of you have traveled through Terminal 2 at Lindberg field, but it pretty much shuts down at 5pm. The only thing open was the hot dog place and the bar. EVEN STARBUCKS CLOSED. And for those of you that know me...that was catastrophic :-). Thank god for wi-fi and the girls DS's.

Oh, about the luggage. Maybe its because we have never traveled to a cold weather area, but we I couldn't believe how much stuff we were taking. Of course, when you need to "layer", the clothing sure adds up. We had the required clothing, hats, scarves, gloves, jackets, sweaters, and shoes. OH my god the shoes. We had to bring an extra bag for the shoes...how could 3 little girls need soooooooo much stuff. And now that the airlines are gouging their customers at $20 a bag...it sure adds up. We were able to stuff...and i mean STUFF all of our garb into 3 large luggage and several carry-ons. One nice thing about traveling with the girls is that we get 5 carry-ons and we took advantage of that.

Another nice thing about traveling with the girls is that we get to pre-board because we are traveling with a child under 5. Its kind of funny watching all the people look at us with that 'Why do THEY get to go first" since Aly is barely under 5, but we weren't going to apologize. We only have 8 months to utilize Aly this way. Unless their is a 2nd Immaculate Conception, I guess we will be in the masses trying to get on the plane on our future travels.

OK...back to the story. We get to Denver about 11pm their time. We find our way thru Denver airport ( a long walk, then a long shuttle, then another long walk), to find our luggage...then another long walk to the rental car shuttles. Which, did I mention are outside...in 15 DEGREE weather. So after waiting about 15 minutes in the cold, the shuttle finally shows up. We make it to the rental car and thankfully, there is no line there. But as soon as we get off the bus, Aly sees the snow...its the first time for her and she just goes nuts. Of course, she has no idea that the snow there is just ice and is VERY COLD. She just starts playing and laughing, ...slipping and sliding, But she is just having a blast, and she doesn't want to leave the rental car area. Oh and speaking of gouging...nice of Hertz to charge $65 freaking dollars to rent a car seat. With all the other crap they "add-on" my pre-paid rental car cost my almost $130 bucks!!!!

Ok...we have our rental car, not is off to find the hotel. Did i mention that the airport is in Nebraska? Damn, it was a long drive to Denver. So after a few wrong turns (there are a LOT of one-way streets in Downtown Denver) we find the hotel, check in, lug the bags in and get the girls ready for sleep. Oh yeah, did I mention how much Sarah and Emily HATE to sleep in the same bed? For sisters, you wouldn't believe how much this bothers them. We always have to place a pillow between them so they each have their "sides"

I already described our trip to Boulder on Saturday, so the next adventure was Sunday. My family let us borrow a sled so we headed off to the mountains in search of a hill. We headed off towards Winter Park Colorado. The weather report said there was a chance of snow where we headed. What I didn't know was that in Colorado, a chance of snow means a blizzard is coming. And being a San Diego native, I bet you can guess how many times I have driven in the snow? Well, after sliding a bit and going REALLY, REALLY slowly thru the mountain (man, I must have pissed some Coloradoans off), we found a hill. After about an hour, we decided to head into town and get some lunch and warm up. Did I mention it was 12 degrees?. Well in Winter Park, we found a public park that is a sledding area. They have sleds for public use, and active fire pits for the parents to keep warm. If you have seen my Facebook pictures, you can see how much fun we all had there. The girls had such a great time. Another couple of hours it was time to head back to Denver.

Ummmm...another thing no one bothered to mention to me was that LOTS of people head Back to Denver from the mountain ski resorts on a Sunday afternoon. The freeway was just gridlocked. Good thing the girls were so tired that they slept the whole time we were stuck in traffic. We finally got to Denver, found a Chili's and went to Denver. One of the best memories was we got there about the middle of the 3rd quarter of the Broncos/Chiefs game where the Broncos HAD to win...and they were getting blown out. I have never seen a sports bar SO QUIET!!! Funny as hell.

The rest of the trip was seeing family, doing some shopping, some more sightseeing etc. Then the Tuesday night weather report. "3-5 feet of snow expected on Wednesday" Well, guess when we were supposed to leave Denver...WEDNESDAY. Our flight was at 9am, and the snow was supposed to start around 10am. We planned on waking up around 5am...I don't think Lisa or I slept at all, because neither of us wanted to miss the alarm. After all, we had to drive back to Nebraska. Well, we made it to the airport in time, got thru security with ease and made it to the gate with about 40 minutes to spare...and then got to pre-board (heehee).

All in all...no nightmares, no disasters, and in actuality, travel was a breeze. I hope all of our trips are this east...but I know this was an aberration :-)

Well, if you have made it this far without being bored out of your skull, I thank you. I hope you enjoy reading my musings as much as I like writing them. For all my fellow San Diego'ans...keep dry. I am saving room on the Ark for you :-). For everyone else, enjoy your week and until next time...

Peace and always...pray for this DODO.

Take Care
Mike

What a week

I hope everyone had an outstanding New Year. This post is going to be a little different than many of the others. Usually I tell you about my travails as a Dad of 3 daughters. Well, this post is a bit more about me and my family's trip to Colorado this week to find MY family.

Many of you know this story, so pardon me if this is a bit redundant. But for those of you who find the time to read this ( and I appreciate your willingness to do so), may not realize that I have never met my 1st cousins. My dad and my uncle became estranged several years ago with very little contact between the 2. Because of this estrangement, it became extremely difficult for me and my sister to contact them. In fact, I hadn't seen my Uncle since I was 6, and I couldn't remember ever seeing my aunt (she said she met me when I was 6). I have 4 cousins (3 boys, 1 Girl). that I had never met. Since my mom was an only child, and my uncle is my Dad's only sibling...me and my sister grew up with essentially NO extended family. To make things even more sad...both my maternal grandparents passed away before I was born, and I never met my paternal grandfather and only can recall meeting my paternal grandmother once or twice when I was very young. I have always been very jealous of those of you that had large families...there is something really special about being able to call a close uncle, or cousin and just talk, or hang out, and I never had that.

Anyway, through the magic of Facebook, I was able to connect with not only my aunt and uncle, but also all 4 of my cousins. It took some time and some coordination, but last week, we were able to fly to Denver and meet 3 of my cousins (one lives in the Bay Area and wasn't able to make it to Colorado), and reconnect with my aunt and uncle.

So...on Saturday, we are doing a little shopping in Denver and my phone rings. It is my aunt. I have to admit that my heart skipped a bit. I was actually nervous to answer the phone. Well, there was a very sweet voice on the other end who was just as excited to hear my voice as I was to hear hers. We made plans to drive up to Boulder a little later in the afternoon to meet, talk and have dinner. The drive from Denver to Boulder is about 25 minutes...I was pacing the hotel room like a caged tiger 2 hours before. I hadn't been this nervous in a longgggggg time. As we were driving, i was actually sweating (good think I was wearing a black shirt). All the time we were driving, I was thinking, "will they like me, will we have anything to talk about, will we sustain this new relationship" etc, etc, etc. Well, my worries were definitely unfounded. We drove up to the house and saw 2 of my cousins shoveling the walk (you don't see THAT very often in San Diego)...I got out of the car and gave my cousins a big hug and it was like we had known each other forever. Walking into the house was just incredible....seeing my uncle for the first time in 40 years was just a surreal experience. I remembered him as a brown haired young man...and here was this gray, long-bearded, distinguished Rabbi who just grabbed me and hugged me. To be honest, I was a little unsure of what to call him. I mean, he is my Dad's brother, but "Uncle" sounded a little weird. But when he hugged me, I knew that all was how it should be. I had my family back.

We spent the next several hours talking, laughing, eating, drinking and just doing what families are supposed to be doing. My cousins are terrific young people and I couldn't be prouder to be related to them. They are bright, confident, dynamic individuals who have amazing things in store for them...and I hope I can be a small inspiration to them. We went back to spend the day with them on Monday. Enjoying lunch, having coffee, taking silly pictures...doing what families do, It was an amazing trip.

Well, that's enough for this evening, I will fill in more details about the traveling in the newly high-securitized airport with 3 children, our trips to the snow and the rest of the vacation.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my little excursion. Have a great week and I will be back soon.

As always, pray for this DODO...and Peace.

Mike

Ahhhhhh...the sound of quiet

Good evening, I have been given the gift of quiet. All 4 ladies are upstairs taking baths/showers and I have been left downstairs with the laptop, a hot cup of cocoa and 5 minutes of relative peace (although I am stuck watching The Sound of Music). This may be the first 5 minutes of peace I have had in the past 2 weeks and the last I will have the next 2 weeks.

The past 2 weeks...I won't say I survived Hanukkah/Christmas, but I made it through relatively unscathed. I tried teaching the girls some Yiddish so they could say the Hanukkah prayers with me....that didn't go so well, so I just let them say the English part and I handled the Yiddish part. The one night we tried both...a 30 second prayer took 5 minutes. Although, I have to admit, it was pretty funny listening to my 4 year old try to say "Baruch Ata Adonai".

Soon after Hanukkah, it was on to Christmas and a boatload of activities. I have to thank some friends who helped keep me sane by inviting me for drinks a couple of times over the past weeks. It has been a whirlwind of activity between family, friends, church, parties. etc. The girls sang 3 times over the past 2 weeks at church. And I am not ashamed to admit that I teared up watching my daughters beaming while singing in the church choir. There is nothing better than watching your kids doing something they love...and doing it well. I am looking forward to the few months as they keep getting better and start soloing.

Christmas was a blast. And when I say blast I am referring to the noise. There were some screams on Christmas morning when the girls realized that they got Ipods (Yes even Aly got an Ipod...you don't want to hear THAT screaming) and when Emily realized she got the telescope she has been dreaming about. What I didn't realize was that the telescope comes in disassembled...in about 12 boxes and 150 pieces. I should have it assembled by next Christmas!!!!

You should have seen the mayhem at my in-laws house with my 3 girls, my 2 year old niece, and all the brother and sister in laws...wrapping paper flying, boxes been thrown, the girls got so many gifts that we are still trying to figure out who gave them what. If you got Aly a Tinkerbell doll...Thank you very much. We have no idea who you are, but she loves it :-)

I spent the day taking down ALL of the Christmas decorations, Usually we wait until New Years, but as I have mentioned before, we will be jumping on an airplane on New Years night and flying to Denver. The girls all got heavy coats, gloves, scarves and hats for Christmas in anticipation of the trip. Tonight it was 7 degrees in Denver...this trip should be veryyyyyy interesting. But we are all looking forward to meeting relatives from my side of the family that we have never met. I am going to see my uncle for the first time in 38 years and finally meet my aunt and some of my first cousins. I'm wondering if I will be teary-eyed or just smiling ear-to-ear. I will keep you posted.

Well, I no longer hear the showers running, so that must mean my 5 minutes are up. I want to thank the 2 or 3 of you that read these ramblings and also thank all of you that have been part of my life these past months/years. I wont post names, but you know who you are....I could never survive these years as a DODO without the support of my friends and my family. Being a DODO is an amazing blessing...an unbelievably challenging one, but I very lucky to have several friends that know EXACTLY what I am going through. Thanks for the chats, the card games, the beers, and just being there when I needed a testosterone boost.

On to a New Year as a DODO...I hope this message finds all of you happy and healthy. I am looking forward to sharing more of my musings with you. As always, pray for this DODO...I will need all the help I can get.

Peace
Mike

WOW...2 posts in a week

Can you tell things have quieted down in the Gross household...I actually have time to type up 2 posts in 1 month. Will wonders never cease.

Anyway, we are just wrapping up the 3rd night of Christmanukkah, the girls finally opened their Hanukkah gifts ( we were busy the first 2 nights) and of course they loved them. Aly got her first ever softball bat (Daddy had tears in his eyes), Emily got the boom box she has been bugging us about and Sarah got clothes. You know your daughter has graduated into "tween" years when she looks at the label to make sure we didn't buy the clothes at Wal-Mart or Target. I guess the clothes budget just got a little bit more expensive. Oh well...only 18 years or so to go.

We have actually had some nights free recently as the girls are only doing choir right now. Don't get me wrong, we are still pounding softballs into the net in the garage....just not every night. Softball is only 6 weeks away, the girls need to be ready, holiday or no holiday (OK...a little too extreme there, but you get my point).

I have a question for all you parents of young children. Once they stop believing in the jolly guy in the red suit, how do you make them behave in December? If you can't use the "Santa wont bring you anything" threat...what else you got? :-)

I realized recently that I talk a heck of a lot about the girls but not much about me and Lisa. THAT'S BECAUSE WE GOT NOTHING ELSE GOING ON. Seriously, I am very excited about my Aztecs, they put a serious whoopin on the Mildcats of Arizona last night....what a great night. I have also started to do some mountain biking again. If I don't have a heart attack from trying to follow Eric on the trails of Otay Lake, I'll be in shape by 2014.

We are looking forward to getting together with friends in the next couple of weeks and sharing some alcohol, some stories, and some good times. We hope to see all of you in the next few weeks.

Enjoy your holidays and your families during the next few weeks. Take care of yourself and as always Peace to you and yours.

This DODO is done for the night.

Mike