Pro Coach versus "Daddy" Coach

Again, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this blog. Its an outlet for me to put down thoughts and ideas that I get from watching my girls (and the teams I'm involved with). Its by no means a comprehensive look, but a snapshot into my world of trying to be a good coach and and a good mentor to all the kids that cross my path.

I watched several games this last weekend and I talked to a lot of people and a couple of themes kept coming up. One of those themes was the concept of playing for a paid coach (one with no personal ties to the team) versus playing for "daddy" coaches...someone whose child or other relative is a member of the team. There are pros and cons for each, and I'd like to take a minute to chat a little about this.

First off, there is a common perception that playing for a paid coach is the best way to go. Yes, this does have some advantages, no worrying about stuck behind someones daughter/son, no "daddy ball", etc, But one thing I've noticed as I've watched multiple teams is that coaches with no personal ties to a team have less of a personal interest in that team. For some, its become a business. Coaching has become a money-making enterprise and they arent invested in the success of each individual child. They are looking for team success...trophies, medals etc that they can show so they can recruit new girls, or add more teams...i.e. more money in the pocket. Again...this is a generalization. There are LOTS and I mean LOTS of great coaches out there who dont have a child on the team. But realize that there is a financial component to this, and coaches are always looking for the next best thing.

DISCLAIMER: I'm a "Daddy Coach"...and I'm damn proud of that!! I love being on the field with my girls, I enjoy watching them succeed in something they love, and being a part of that success. So, this next section has a very personal bias. But, I would venture to guess that an overwhelming majority of coaches (paid or not) began as "Daddy" coaches. Somewhere along the line they wanted to coach their child and that began their coaching career. Some parents stop when their kids get older or stop playing...others continue on. One thing that I see as different between the paid coach and the "daddy" coach is the investment in the "TEAM" concept. When I coach a team, I want my child to be successful. And the best way for that to happen is for the team to be successful. That means I coach every kid to be successful. And you know...what I view as successful is not always what another parent views...and thats ok. Reasonable people disagree on things, especially when children are involved. I'm not going to be the best coach for every child, I understand that. But every time I'm asked to coach/assist with a team, I no longer have 1 or 2 daughters on that team. I now have 12..and I try to treat each one the way I want my daughter treated. As a parent..you should expect nothing less.

Unfortunately, there are some "daddy" coaches that are there for the sole purpose of promoting their daughter. If you're child is a shortstop, and the coaches child is a shortstop, ask lots of questions about how that is going to look. Are they going to rotate?? Ask hard questions, you're paying to have your child play, you should know what the coaches mind-set is. You'd ask a mechaninc what the mind-set is before you hand over a check to fix your car...why not with a coach who you are handling over your most precious asset? Ask around...ask players/parents who play or played on the team what their impression was. DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!!

I watched a game this past weekend where a team lost in the last inning...and this "paid" coach was just furious. He kept the girls on the field for 30 minutes after the game, lecturing, gesturing. I saw a lot of slumped shoulders from a bunch of 13 year olds. All I could think was...wow, these kids are not having much fun out there. Too many coaches lose sight of whats the real reason for them getting into coaching in the first place. Teaching, mentoring young athletes into better people. It should never be about the coach, it should be about the team. Yes...you want to play for a coach that has produced winning teams and quality student athletes, but you ahould also look for a coach that understands why he's there. And it shouldnt matter whether that coach is paid or a "daddy".

Being a coach is not easy, trying to please 12-13 kids AND thier parents is extremely difficult. If I'm successful 90% of the time, i'm doing a pretty good job. As I mentioned in an earlier post...know who your coach is!!! Research their background, ask their philosophies on teaching, are they a "yeller", or are they more laid back. What does your child want in a coach? Do they want to pushed hard, do they want someone who gets in their face, do they NEED someone to push them. There are lots of motivational techniques out there. You should know what motivates your child and find a coach who utilizes that motivation.

It is my sincere hope that reading this blog has given you some insight into the world of youth sports as I see it. Your views may be very different...and thats great!! I love discussing opposing points of views. If you like this blog..please share it among your friends. Post a comment or send me a note if there something you'd like me to write about or you would like more info. I am no expert...far from it. But I like to write and this is a topic I find extremely interesting.

I hope this message finds you well.

Thanks again for reading

Coach Mike

Things I've learned (version 2)

First off, I want to thank everyone who took the time to read my first version and I've received a very positive response. So much so that I'll try to do a monthly version on this topic for those of you that find this interesting. Again, I am by no means an expert on all things travel, but I think I have learned enough that I can offer some perspective on the world of travel/club sports. Its then up to you and your family to decide whats best.

1) Don't join or play travel simply because your friends are there. If you make the decision to take your child to travel club ball, do it because they are ready and they have a goal in mind. Don't do just because everyone else is. I know kids want to play with their friends...but that is what rec ball is for. If you are commiting the financial and time resources to travel ball...it should be to get your child the best training the money can buy. Another issue with playing with friends as it makes very difficult to leave when that moment comes. Also, ask yourself a question. Is playing with these "friends" going to get my child to their goal? The focus should be on the team and the coaching, not who he/she is playing with. They'll just make new friends...which is a good thing.

2) Playing time is crucial but learning the game is also crucial The biggest reason I've heard from parents that leave one team for another is playing time. I completely agree that if you are paying fees to a travel team, then you obviously want to see your child on the field. But another key component to getting the skills and knowledge to reach high school or college goals is learning the game...and sometimes that happens by sitting..and watching. My oldest daughter joined travel probably a year too soon...she had the physical skills, but she needed to "learn" the game. She sat a lot her first year...and I mean A LOT!!. But she learned the game, she learned what was required of her at this level, and when it was time to look for another team, she was ready both physically and mentally.

3) Playing time is crucial I know, I know...I just said that. But there's another side to this. When you are on a travel team...the only way to get better is to play. The only way you find things that you need to work on is to play...and fail. Of course, there are times when you need to sit a game, or rotate out. But if you find yourself on a team that has 7 or 8 kids sitting out at any given time...you're probably on the wrong team. For softball/baseball...if the roster has over 14 kids, there are probably 2 reasons for that. There is a financial reason or the coach just wont tell a child that they arent at the level they need to be at. Now, I'm not advocating leaving a team just beacuse there are more than 14 players...every situation is different, but if there is 16 kids on the roster, and your child is sitting, you should have a frank discussion with the coach. Ask tough questions, why is she sitting, what does she have to do to get more playing time, what are your long term goals for her. Be prepared for difficult answers. You may not hear what you want to hear, but as a coach, I'd rather be honest with a family than to string a child along. I truly believe you should expect that from any coach you entrust your child to.

4) Be realistic This isnt the first time I've mentioned this and it wont be the last. Travel ball is widespread...there are so many teams out there, that pretty much anyone who tries out can probably make a team. That however, does not mean your child is ready for travel ball. When you go to a tryout, assess your child against the other players...not just in ability, but in size and maturity. Are they physically ready for 4-5 hour practices? Can they mentally handle the pressure and stress that goes with playing at this level? There is nothing wrong with playing rec ball another year if your child isnt quite ready. This is primarily for 12 and under as I know there are few options for 14U rec ball. I've seen several kids who went "travel" at 11 or 12 years old and simply werent mentally ready ..and they are no longer playing. Kids can play year round in rec ball also...so travel isnt the only option. Make sure its right for your child...you and only you can make that decision.

5) What is the goal? Again, I'm bringing up the GOAL. What is your childs goal...not YOUR goal, but your CHILDS goal? Is it to play in high school?? College? I bet if you asked every 8-14 age child do you want to play "a sport" in college...they'd say YES. So, really discuss the goal as the kids get older. Is going to college the goal or is playing in college the goal. If playing in college is the goal, simply joining a travel team won't get you to that goal. Yes, coaches look for skill, but they also look for Grades (the most important thing!!!), community service, teamwork, outside activities. Coaches are looking for complete packages, so create a plan to build a "package". That may mean missing a practice or event to do some community service...or study for that crucial test. I would like to think most coaches would understand that...if they dont?? Well...I think you know by now how I feel about that. One more thing on this...does your coach ask to see your kids grades?? If not...they should be!! Without good grades...theres not much point in playing any sport.

Again, this may or may not apply to you and your family. Each family dynamic is different and you know your child better than anyone. Make the decisions based on whats best for your child. As I continue on in my coaching life, I'll try bring up issues and stories that I think may be of interest. If you find this interesting (or not), shoot me a note and let me know, I appreciate any and all feedback.

Thank you again for reading this...

I hope this note finds you and your family well.

Coach Mike

Things I've learned

Its been a while since I've ventured onto this page...as most of you know, my three daughters keep me quite busy and I don't get much of a chance to sit down and write very often. But I decided to take a few minutes to jot down a few thoughts about some of the issues that not only affect my girls..but lots of their friends and neighbors. As many of you know, my oldest 2 daughters play travel/club sports. Sarah plays travel softball and Emily plays club soccer. Over the last couple of years, I have witnessed an explosion of teams out looking for players...and players looking for teams. We have been on big-name teams and smaller clubs, and while I am not an expert (not even close), I have seen both the positives and negatives of what the "travel" world has become. While many of you will just disregard this essay, hopefully some will take a second to think about some of the points I'm bringing up...if not that's ok also.

1) Do your homework!!! If its time for you to move on to the travel arena...take the time to research the club/program you are interested in. Who are the coaches, what are their backgrounds. What is the club providing you for your money, what are they offering your child? Go to multiple tryouts, don't accept the first offer. Bigger isn't always better. Maybe a big name club is the best fit for your child, maybe a smaller more personal approach is more what your child needs. But ask questions!! I cannot tell you how much it bothers me when I talk to someone who has just joined a travel team and I ask "Who's the coach?"...and they don't know. You are handing your child over to this person for the next several months...you should damn well know his or her name and what their experiences are.

2) Protect your child!! I don't mean from predators, that's a given. What I mean is listen to your child. If they get hurt, try to resist the pressure to "get back out there". Too many coaches, unfortunately, exert pressure to get back on the field after an injury. Understand that the coaches don't mean your daughter any harm (at least I have never met one), but they do need to have players out on the field. Know the difference between being hurt and being injured, children can play hurt...but they shouldn't be out there if they are injured. And if a coach doesn't understand that...then maybe that isn't the right coach.

3) Be realistic about your child's abilities!! We all want our kids to be the next Jennie Finch...or Alex Morgan. That simply isn't going to happen. I'd love for my girls to all get full 4 year rides to a big time college. The odds of that are extremely small. Maybe a Division II or NAIA school is a better fit for their goals and aspirations. Talk to them...what is their goal? Is it to play in college? Is it to go to a good school where they can get a great education and hopefully play sports also? And then tailor the experience to hopefully reach the goal. Talk to the coach and the "administrator" of the program you are involved in. Where do they see your child? What resources do they have to get your child noticed and hopefully recruited? You are paying a lot of money...you should expect something in return for your investment.

4) Enjoy the Ride!!! You never know when your child has played their last game. Lots of kids decide at some point that they are done with sports, or want to do something else. You don't want their last experience with a team to have been a miserable one. If your child isn't having any fun, or its a struggle to get them to go to practice/work out...then maybe its time to explore other options. Now, I'm absolutely not advocating switching teams just for the sake of switching teams. I'm a strong believer in loyalty and commitment. But its not that difficult to see when your child has lost their passion for something. I also strongly believe that you let the child be part of the decision making process. And as parents, you should have fun also. You should be with other parents who you enjoy spending time with. Whatever endeavor you and your child set out upon...the one thing it should be over anything else, is fun!!

5) Let them be kids!!! Kids need downtime...and I'll fully admit, this is incredibly difficult for me to do. Kids need a break from their primary sport, they need to use other muscle groups, learn other skills, meet new people. And downtime doesn't mean that they lie on the coach playing on their phone all day. I strongly believe in even if you're not playing you're primary sport, you're working out..jogging, biking, cardio etc. When your team takes time off...put the gear bag away for awhile and bring out the Frisbee, the jump rope, the volleyball (if volleyball isn't the sport you're getting away from).

I think that's enough for one day. Hopefully you read this and can take something from it. If you read it and think "This guy is a loon"...that's ok too. Like I said, I am no expert...I'm just a dad, trying to navigate the turbulent waters of having 3 amazing young ladies call him Dad. I hope this message finds you well. As always...peace to you and yours. Mike