Why I do what I do

Its been a long time since I've been able to post and there have been some major changes in my life. I retired from my government job, started coaching high school, became a work from home parent, became a car-pool mom etc. So I decided to sit down again and update this blog.

I thought I'd take a minute to write about my passion and what impact its had on my life. For those who know me...and those who have recently met me, my passion is to coach. I love it. I love seeing kids I coached years ago at the store and they yell "Coach Mike". There is something about helping a child learn a skill, develop confidence, become part of something bigger than themselves. I'll never forget the moment when my high school team made the final out to win the Division 3 championship last year...I was so proud of the team, so proud of each and every girl who assumed a role, bought into a new culture, and battled and battled through each and every inning. There were kids who hardly played, but they brought leadership, and energy, and confidence. Its a season that will live in memory forever.

I've coached teams that barely won a game during a season, but I can still remember the faces of the kids when they got their first hit, or made their first catch. Those moments are priceless and I've been honored and blessed that so many parents have entrusted their kids to me. Its a trust that I don't take lightly. Each and every kid that I have coached becomes "mine" during that season, my kid, my daughter, my responsibility. Its not an easy task, and there aren't many that choose to take on that task. But its something that I, and select few, choose to do. We don't do this for a paycheck (trust me on this one), we don't do this for the accolades, we do this because we believe in what we do, we believe we have something to offer, and in my case, I want to pay back the incredible coaches I had growing up, and this is the best way I know how.

Another reason I love to coach, is that I get to spend precious time with my kids. They grow up so fast, and time just moves along, that those moments that we can share on the field is something you cannot give back. I've quit a job because they didn't want to give me the time to coach my kids. You don't get those moments back...and being able to share the successes, and ease the pain of disappointment. Those are moments and memories that will stay with you forever.

Unfortunately, there is a downside. There are times when you have to make tough decisions. And frankly, there are times where you simply blow it. You make a mistake that causes you to lose sleep, and you worry will you lose friendships. Sadly, this has and will be the case. The world of travel ball, and the pressures that come along with the ultra-competiveness of youth sports has ruined what would otherwise be great friendships. I have come to realize that this is a sad by-product of the world we have created. As I've become a coach at higher levels (high school, travel), the pressures increase. And unfortunately, not everyone understands that. You like to think that you are "Friends"...not "softball friends", but it happens. It saddens me, but you realize that you did your best, and you move on. Not every decision will be popular, and while I strive to make good decisions, I make mistakes. Every good coach does, but just like in other aspects in life, you learn from them and hope to not make similar mistakes in the future.

Luckily, the highs of coaching have far out-weighed the lows. I have made some amazing friends, and lost a few others. If you have a coach that has made an impact, send them a note, tell them. Every coach I know would much rather hear something like that that receive a gift...and when it comes time to leave a coach, be respectful, don't blast them on Facebook, don't bad mouth them. Remember that they tried their best, and they give up their time to hopefully help your child become a better player and person.

I'll try to keep this blog fresh and update it more often. If you found something interesting here...let me know. I appreciate any comments.

Take care of yourselves and your family and friends...

Until Next time

Mike

Notes on a scoresheet

Over the past several weeks, I've had the opportunity to watch a LOT of softball/soccer games, both games in which my daughters played and games where I just sat and watched kids I knew play. I wanted to take an objective look at how various coaches manage the game and their players. As I embark on my first season of coaching high school ball...I want to have a good cross-section of experiences. Just as I have taken something from every manager I've had in my 30 plus years as a manager in the business world, I try to take a nugget or 2 from every coach I've worked with, coached against...or simply watched.

This missive will be primarily about coaches that coach girls softball/soccer, since those are the 2 sports which I am involved in and I know that coaching boys is dramatically different than coaching girls, so if coaching boys sports is your world, this essay may not pertain to you, but I think a lot of the impressions are transferable, so you may get something out of it.

As I've watched games...I've made notes on my scoresheet or in my notepad. I keep these notes as references for situations that I may be involved with. The first thing I have noticed recently is the amazing dedication so many coaches have towards their sports and their players. My daughters have been blessed with some amazing coaches...and like any enterprise, some ones that forgot why they were there, but overall...the amount of time and resources given by men and women who dedicate themselves to the betterment of your kids is pretty remarkable. Yes, a lot of these coaches get paid, I'm getting paid a stipend for coaching high school, but the amount is almost trivial compared to the time on the field, time away from family. If you have a good coach, paid or not...feel blessed, because they do more than you'll ever know for your kids.

A second thing I've noticed more recently is the proliferation of..for lack of a better term..drop-offs. I see so many kids dropped off for practice or games, with their parents leaving them for a couple of hours while they run to other activities. I am just as guilty on this one as any...with 3 kids, and just 2 parents, there are days where it is just impossible to do and get everywhere we need to be. I am SO GRATEFUL for the village we have created that take my girls to games, bring them home, feed them if necessary, watch them...and make sure they are safe. I guess this is a by-product of the society we live in where we can no longer just let our kids run to the park...so we have to have them in an organized structure with parental supervision. I wish my girls could just jump on their bikes, go to the park, and just hang with their buddies like we did when we were kids...but we cant, and I'm very blessed to have a group of parents that I trust implicitly with the safety of my girls.

A third thing I've noticed is the specialization at such a young age. Kids today are being asked to pick a sport as early as age 10. Because of either the financial commitment, the time commitments, the proliferation of club/travel sports...kids just don't go from sport to sport anymore. When I was young, it was baseball in the spring, swimming in the summer, football in the fall, and basketball in the fall. Now kids go year-round in one sport...and I've heard some coaches at the club level tell the parents/kids that they wont be on a particular team if they intend to play other sports. Sorry..that's just crazy. No kid is getting a scholarship at age 11. Yes, skill development is important at an early age...but I've yet to see a kid get denied a scholarship because they played 2 (or 3) sports at a young age. Heck..I'm seeing ads for under 6 Club soccer!!! 5 year old's...playing travel ball!! Maybe I'm in the minority, but that just seems crazy to me. Now, I'm heavily invested in the club/travel world...and it has its positives. But someone will have to explain to me the positives of traveling 2 hours to play a game when all the kid wants to do is go to the playground.

Lastly, and I cant stress this enough. I am constantly in awe of all the moms, dads, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents that continually get out of their chair, get their shoes dirty and help teach/coach not only their own, but other peoples kids. Coaching is a noble profession. Like teaching, completely undervalued financially,. but the rewards can never be measured by a paycheck. I know not every parent is cut out to coach for various reasons, but it bothered me when we couldn't find enough t-ball coaches at Bonita Valley this year. When Sarah was born, I counted the days until she was old enough to play t-ball so I could coach her. And I know there are hundreds upon hundreds of parents out there who give up their time, energy, financial resources to make your kids lives better..and I hope you take a moment to thank those coaches. For they are a huge part of your child's life. And they deserve to hear a Thank You once in a while.

My schedule will be a little crazy for the next couple of months, so I don't know how much time I'll be able to devote to writing...but rest assured, I'll be making my notes, watching my peers and writing observations on my scoresheets.

Thanks for reading..and I'll be chatting with all of you soon.

Mike

Conversations...

Well...those of you who follow me on Facebook know the past few months have been definitely interesting. Retiring from one job, starting a new career at SDSU, coaching at Olympian, trying to get my daughters to all of their activities...etc. Its been a crazy couple of months and I haven't had much of a chance to sit down and write. Its kind of quiet at work today so I thought I'd take a moment to share a conversation I had recently with a College coach.

I asked the coach what does he look for when he scouts a player for a scholarship. Besides the obvious factor (grades) he looks for a "25% er". I asked what that meant. He said that almost all the kids he looks at have the 75%. Basic skills, good attitude, good teammate, hard worker...what he looks for is that kid who gives that extra 25%. Goes over and beyond what the other kids are doing...fights for every second of playing time, hates coming out of games, practices harder, practices longer, is a team leader, simply put..wants it more.

Another thing he mentioned that with the proliferation of club/travel teams, he sees too many kids that don't have to compete for a spot/playing time. They just move from team to team...looking to be given a spot. By the time they're at the age where he is looking at them..they've forgotten how to compete for playing time. And the one thing he tries to remind parents/kids is that when they get to the age where he's looking at them...they are now competing against hundreds of other kids for that 1 spot on his team...so they better be ready for that!!

An item I found interesting that he spoke about was how he was always disappointed when parents spoke to him about their kids (he coaches at the club level also) and the kid wasn't there. Whether the conversation was a positive one or a negative one, when the child wasn't part of the conversation, he always wonders why?? (Caveat...he was speaking about kids at 13 and above...he agreed that bringing a 7 year old into a conversation wasn't what he was referring to). Were the parents afraid of the child hearing the truth? What was going to happen if he has to have a tough conversation with the child later on and the parents aren't there to shield them?? I asked him why he thinks this happens...he said too many parents want to shield their kids from the truth, and the truth is that not all kids have the skills, mindset, passion to play a particular sport at the college level. And too many parents are simply pushing kids toward a scholarship that they may never materialize.

He said he didn't mean that to be a negative, but to remember that sports is just one piece of the life puzzle. He reminded me that at his school (BTW its not SDSU), less than 5% of the student body are on athletic scholarship, and the other 95% are doing just fine.

I guess the moral of this conversation is if you want to be a "25%'er" in sports...keep working hard, keep pushing yourself to be better, keep competing. But if you find a passion that isn't sports related...be a "25%'er" in that pursuit. Like I've told the kids I've coached over and over again...I'll take a dozen talented kids who give me that 25% more effort over that "all-star" who doesn't.

Thanks for taking the time to read this...my greatest hope that there is one nugget here that you read and say "that makes sense". And if there isn't..well, thanks for reading anyway.

Have a happy new year and I'll be back to this blog soon

Peace

Mike